You want him, he wants you, and you can’t keep your hands off each other. Then, for some weird reason, he’s not interested. You think, ‘He’s a jerk!’ and set out to find someone better. Then it happens again. Uh oh, what’s up with that?
You’re obviously attractive, and assuming you don’t have funky hygiene issues or a big ‘Dump me!’ tattooed on your forehead, it’s not about you. Or maybe, not what you think. You could have inadvertedly killed the passion with habits that lower your sex appeal—turning him off just when your relationship (or at least, your clothes) should be taking off.
1. Your bedroom looks like a Disney Princess party.
You’ve got stuffed toys on your bed, pink frilly curtains, and lampshades that are less boudoir and more Barneyland.
Unless your guy’s got a long-supressed Lolita fantasy, your kiddie-cutsey bedroom will completely throw him off. He thought he was dating a passionate, sensual woman. Instead, he feels this strange urge to read you ‘Goodnight Moon’ to you.
We’re not saying that you should give up your love for pink and lace, or throw away your cherished stuffed toys from your childhood. Nor do you have to drape red lace and leopard print velvet over every surface. Just find a happy medium—a bedroom that is inviting and conducive to lovemaking.
2. You’re too comfortable.
Yeah, yeah—unconditional love and acceptance means that you can be yourself with each other. But do you really have to cut your toenails in front of him, or leave the bathroom door open when you pee? You may also want to thoughtfully think over what you should include in your conversation. Do you really need to give him a blow-by-blow about your visit to the dermatologist and what she said about the cyst on your back?
In fact, many marriage experts say that this habit is one reason why many couples grow dissatisfied as the years pass. It’s great that you feel comfortable. But it’s wrong to stop caring about looking good for each other. Think about it: when you were doing the dating circuit, you’d dress up in your nice underwear for a total stranger. Why shouldn’t you make the same effort for somebody you actually love, and loves you back? Doesn’t he deserve it more?
3. You’ve got too much going on.
So you’re really getting into it, and just as you’re about to lose yourself in the intensity of a fantastic kiss, you overhear the Discovery Channel documentary on a man whose brain was infested with tapeworms. Eeeeeeeeeeooooowwwwwwww.
Turn off the television—and while you’re at it, turn off the phone. Couples need a way to escape from the world, to create that sense of intimacy and peace that we often dream about when we think of vacations in private islands or sitting in a yacht, surrounded by nothing but stars and the ocean. So maybe you aren’t in an island and you don’t own a yacht, but for chrissakes you can at least have an evening when you’re not competing with football, sitcoms, and definitely not tapeworms for each other’s attention.
4. You bring up your ex.
Guys can get insecure about their performance, or intensely jealous and territorial. So, any mention of ex-boyfriends—even if it’s in the context of saying, ‘You’re so much better than the boys I used to date in college!’—can quickly get him in a foul mood. Now he’s thinking about you with somebody else, and wondering who that person is, and if there’s someone who you’re secretly comparing him to and he falls short (in more ways than one).
Wording is everything. Just say, ‘You’re the best!’ and leave it at that. Or, ‘I really like it when you do that.’ Or if you kind of wish he did something else, try ‘Can you touch this part, this way…’ instead of, ‘My ex used to do this for me…’