In theory, you have the right to post anything you want on Facebook. It’s your wall, right? You can be as boring, obnoxious or self-promoting as you like—all in the name of freedom of speech.
But here’s the deal: your Facebook habits could be driving your friends crazy. (Assuming they’re still you’re friends. They may have un-Friended you a long time ago, except you’re too self-absorbed to notice.) Check this list of the most annoying Facebook habits, and ask yourself: would you ‘like’ yourself?
1. You give a blow-by-blow account of your day.
Nobody really cares what you had for breakfast, or whether you stubbed your toe on your way to work today. So please, spare us the 24/7 newscast on your pathetic life. We’re your friends, not your rabid fans. We don’t sit around wondering whether or not you had tuna or chicken for lunch, especially when there are so many other things to think about: global warming, the recession, our own lives…
2. You’re a self-promoting, self-obsessed braggart.
We understand if you want to share good news. We’re friends, right? We’re here to root for you, right? Uh, yeah. But not every freaking day. If every post you make is about how great you are—’Look, I ran a marathon! Wrote a poem! Got the perfect score on the SATs! Invented the post-it!’—then you’re going to end up looking really obnoxious. Nobody’s that perfect. Stop making us think you are.
3. You’re just collecting friends.
The average Facebook user has about 120 friends. Some people are just out to prove that they can reach 1,000 friends or more. Never mind if they don’t actually know the people they add. Never mind if they waste hours ploughing through their friends’ contact lists for names. ‘Hey, I remember this girl. We went to the same daycare, I’m sure of it!’
4. You’re a walking tabloid.
You just loooove being the first person in your network to announce any big news, from the death of Michael Jackson to just about any rumor that goes around the internet. Worst of all you don’t bother to check if something’s true. You fall for almost any urban legend. ‘Don’t join this Fanpage, it’ll post photos of your kids for pedophiles!’
We can get our news elsewhere, thank you—you’re not the only one who reads Perez Hilton and TMZ, y’know.
5. You spill way too much information on your life.
Do you really have to tell us about your hemmorhoid problem? Or whine everyday about how much you miss your boyfriend, hate your boss, or whatever existential problem you’re struggling with now?
If you really need to talk to someone, then talk to someone. Call up a friend and vent all you want, but please maintain some shreds of dignity. Facebook is still a public site, and what you’re doing is the digital equivalent of farting in a crowded room or sobbing crazily in your office.
6. You keep sending Farmville invitations.
Or Mafia Wars. Or Pet Society. Or whatever application you’re into right now. And even more irritating—you do this frequently. If we don’t reply, you send us another invite, then another, and then send a private message: ‘Why aren’t you joining my farm?’ Just. Stop. It. We aren’t joining because we don’t want to join, and that’s about all the explanation you need.
7. You’re tag-happy.
You post photos and tag without asking permission—or even stopping to think if we want it on our wall. Some photos can be compromising. Others are unflattering. And some just have nothing to do with us, you’re just using our Facebook page to show off the bags you’re selling or your 2,695 photo of your baby.
Just place the damn photos in your own damn album. If we really wanted to see it, we’ll check it out.
8. You’re always mad…or just plain crazy.
You’re always venting, complaining about other people, whining about the state of the nation, your co-workers, or someone who happened to annoy you that day. You think you’re being funny or witty, but actually, you’re just negative and exhausting.
If you’re not negative, you’re just plain incomprehensible. You like posting cryptic messages, like ‘If you only knew, I would.’ Er…okay. You think you’re being philosophical and mysterious, but you’re just being confusing. If you don’t want to reveal any details, then don’t reveal details. Don’ t post!