Sex is the last thing on a new mom’s mind. Most of us are so tired and frazzled from the demands of watching a newborn that the minute we see a bed, we want to sleep!
But sex is part of any healthy marriage. Here are some ways to get your postnatal nookie, amid the chaos and the exhaustion of taking care of a new baby.
Husbands, do understand that it’s normal for women to feel a drop in desire in the first six months. A lot of it has to do with exhaustion, hormonal fluctuations, and the physical recovery. Nagging her about sex won’t help. But that doesn’t mean you should go off in a huff. Make her feel attractive: ‘That dress really brings out your eyes,’ or ‘I love the smell of that perfume on you.’ Be thoughtful and sensitive to her needs: ‘You look tired, why don’t you nap and I’ll take care of the baby.’ For a new mom, sharing household chores and the parenting duties is a thousand times sweeter than a bouquet of roses. (Our article on “Too Tired for Sex? Ways to Cope” can also help.)
Don’t forget other kinds of physical intimacy, which can help slowly build up desire. For example, foot massages or back rubs reintroduce physical touch but also feel comforting and caring. Fall asleep in the spoon position. Hug and kiss each other every morning. These sound cheesy, but they work. It’s hard for women to go from ‘no contact’ to ‘all-out sex’ especially when they’re not exactly in the mood to begin with. These daily gestures help reconnect the couple and reignite passion.
And while it feels a little weird at first, you may need to schedule sex. Just as you had to overhaul your home for the baby, you need to reconfigure your physical relationship to consider that your schedules are going to be very crazy for a very long time. It doesn’t have to be ‘Every Friday,10 pm.’ You can try alternating responsibility for initiating intimacy, like a kind of movie night; everyone takes turns choosing the time and place for sex.
photo from mysleepproblems.org
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