Do you feel like you and your husband are drifting apart? You don’t have anything to talk about. You enjoy different things. You have different personalities. Maybe he wants to stay at home while you long to go out and meet up with old friends. Or, he is quiet and likes to retreat to the TV, while you desperately need conversation!
Even if you and your husband don’t fight, you feel you have lost the the spark. Here’s how to strengthen a connection that has grown dull and rusty over time.
Even if you and your husband see each other every day, your interactions can be mechanical and your conversations can be distracted and superficial. This is never intentional. You’re just busy with work, the kids, the household errands. In the morning, you’re running late. At night, you’re too exhausted to do anything except sleep.
Go out on a real date
But a marriage is a lot like a car: it needs regular maintenance and tune ups to keep running well. Don’t wait for it to break down! This maintenance includes weekly dates as a couple. Not just those dinners at a restaurant where you’re both staring off into space or busy working your Blackberries and iPads. The date should be interactive—focus on each other!
If you’re too tired to go out, then do something special at home. Serve a wine and cheese platter and listen to relaxing music together. Take a walk around the block after dinner. Cuddle in bed on Sunday mornings. You may not have much to talk about—yet—but the sense of ‘being quiet together’ will help you regain that connection that eventually leads to communication. (Read our tips on how to talk so your husband will listen.)
Find time to talk
We know what it’s like to try to have an adult conversation when there are kids interrupting. And we understand how most talks end up revolving around money, schedules, and bills.
The key is to find time to talk about yourself and ANYTHING except family logistics. You can play a game of ‘What was your high/low point of the day?’ Or ask his opinion on a show on TV: ‘Which of those characters do you identify with the most?’
Have fun together
Take a yearly vacation together, just as a couple. It doesn’t have to be expensive: just a bed and breakfast, or a trip to the neighboring city. It’s also great if you can share a common hobby or activity. You can go running together, or sign up for a class. Or if you both like movies, have a weekly Friday movie night.
Have a strong couples support group
Sometimes being with a couple you both admire and look up to can inspire you both to spend more time on your relationship.
Photo from madamenoire.com
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