It’s the end of a long day at work. You’ve put the kids to bed. Your husband’s done with the dishes. You both collapse on the sofa, and you turn to him, hoping to have a decent conversation. ‘Hi, honey, how was your day?’ You ask. But he grunts, ‘Fine.’ You try to push for more info. ‘What happened?’ He shrugs. ‘Nothing.’ Frustrated, you say, ‘I wish we’d talk more!’ And he looks at you, as if you’d asked him to do Quantum Physics, and says, ‘What do you want me to say?!’ Sounds like you and your husband? Here are some tips that may help.
Sometimes men need space
If your guy’s spent the whole day talking at meetings, socializing at company events, or mediating between warring departments, he may desperately need some quiet time. Or, maybe he’s just had a bad day, and doesn’t really want to think about the problems waiting for him at the office. Talking about it would only stress him out, especially if he’s spent the whole day thinking about it already.
Gauge the situation. He may not want to talk about work, or be in a talkative mood, but you can still bond. Cuddle. Make him laugh. Or, suggest going for a walk around the block—the exercise will also help him let off steam.
Get the ball rolling
If you feel that your guy just doesn’t know how to get the conversation started, then do it yourself. Tell him about your day—but keep your story light and entertaining. ‘Something interesting happened to me today!’ he may not be in the mood to talk but he may be in the mood to listen. You can then shift the conversation to him, ‘Did anything like that ever happen to you?’ or ‘So, what was the craziest thing that happened to you today?’ These regular conversations, even if they’re just 20 minutes or so, can prevent a couple from drifting apart.
Or let’s say you’ve had a bad day and want his support. Say so. ‘I’ve had a horrible day, babe. Can I tell you about it?’ Men like to feel needed. But do let him know how you want him to support you. ‘I just need you to listen right now,’ or ‘Can you give me advice?’
Don’t ‘attack’ his silence
It’s not personal. He’s not ignoring you, or zoning out to annoy you. And don’t put meaning to it or interpret it as a sign that he doesn’t care. If you’re not sure if he’s upset or just blanking out, then do the guy thing and just ask him straight out. ‘Hey, are you in the mood to talk or do you want some time by yourself?’ And it always helps to sweeten the conversation with a little pampering. For example, ‘You seem a bit high-strung tonight. Let me get you a cold glass of beer. Now, you want to let me in on what you’re thinking?’
Photo from yellowgazelle13.blogspot.com
[…] You know, “I scratch your back, you scratch mine.” Surprise your husband by doing one of his chores, and your act of random sweetness will make it harder for him to refuse when you remind him of something he forgot to do. (Find other great tips in our article on bonding with your husband after dinner.) […]