How to be confident (on days when you feel most insecure)

Some people seem to ooze confidence. It’s something about the way they talk or carry themselves, plus the way they respond to situations that would leave the rest of us flustered. But it’s not a ‘natural gift’ that only a few can enjoy. Here are some tips on how to look and be more confident.

Mind your emotions

Let’s say you just got a scathing remark from your boss, or just had a really long week when everything seemed to go wrong. Our stress and insecurity will typically show in our body language: shoulders would be slumped downwards, our faces would be long, and the pace of our movements would be slow and tentative.

But you can actually manage your emotions. Try dancing to a happy tune when you are feeling depressed. Or try the opposite, when you are very happy (say, you just received your long-coveted promotion at work), try putting on some sad music. This shows that we can play our emotions like a puppeteer. Confident people feed their positive emotions with affirmations. They replay their success in their heads. They seek people or situations that make them feel good.

Modulate your voice

The way we talk to ourselves and to others are reflective of our emotions. But we could actually do the reverse and let the way we talk to ourselves define our emotions! When we are depressed, the way we talk would have a low pitch, as if we were merely mumbling through our words. And the content of our self-talk would focus on the negatives. If we were feeling confident however, we would talk with a rather high pitch and in a rapid manner. And understandably and expectedly, the content of our self-talk would brim with positive possibilities. Try it: Talk yourself into feeling better. Do this by speaking in a deliberate and rapid enthusiastic manner.

Focus on solutions

What do you think of and believe when you feel depressed? Most likely your mind would focus on problems, even to the point of magnifying them. And you would also tend to think that the situation is hopeless and nothing could be done to improve your life. On the other hand, when you are confident, your mindset would tend to be full of excitement and would focus on solutions. For example, if you feel fat and ugly whenever you look in the mirror, ask yourself: ‘What can I do to make myself feel better, right now?’ A haircut? A bright red lipstick? Take active steps to bring yourself closer to the person you want to be, and the emotion you want to feel.

Photo from howtogetconfidence.org