Emotional cheating is when your partner seems to have a stronger emotional connection to somebody else. They may not be having sex, but there is definitely intimacy. How to tell when it’s something serious.
If your husband is constantly talking about a female friend in the office, ask yourself:
1. What is the state of your marriage? A quick assessment, on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 high and 1 low; if you rate anywhere below 7, it means there is a lot to work on the marriage.
2. Are you dating your spouse weekly? If not, ask him for a weekly date, doing the usual fun things or exploring new couple activities, whether, sports or movies or local travel. Regular companionship with your partner is vital in your marriage. This will ensure the friendship in the marriage. From your story, it looks like the friendship in your marriage needs strengthening. Even if you have one or two kids at this point and a career, we have to make time for our spouse. Find ways to make time for each other. Cut down somewhere.
3. Do you have dinner together at least once a week? This is the time to connect and continue the friendship as a couple. Talk about the kids, the home but talk about each other’s joys and difficulties. Focus on the person of your partner. Giving this attention in addition to the weekly date will further boost the marriage.
4. What does he say about your listening and speaking skills? Are you a good listener or do you jump into conclusions and say some put downs? When we listen regularly and well, we give value to our partner. He feels important and admired.
5. Have you been admiring your partner regularly? Men have the need to be admired by articulating any small contribution or achievement. Nagging and complaining are downers. There is a positive way of giving negative feedback, if need be.
6. Do you have common activities and interests outside of the kids and home? Doing things together, whether playing badminton or watching the basketball game together keeps the fire burning as a couple. Our careers can take us apart but doing things together weekly enhances connection.
7. Have you met his officemates and other friends? Meet his officemates and make friends with them. This will also emphasize your presence as a spouse and your ‘ownership’ of your spouse. Trusting your spouse is good but being present every so often protects your position as spouse.
8. Have you continued to look attractive in the eyes of your spouse? Keeping pretty and well groomed are musts. Men appreciate beauty. Be the one he will appreciate.
9. Do you have a healthy self-worth? A healthy self-worth is important in a marriage. Without this, one will be insecure or jealous of many moves of your partner.
If you feel your marriage is really great then you can mention to him that you notice that he talks about this lady often. Let him know that you feel uncomfortable about the frequency of his interaction with her. Ask him what can be done to make you feel more assured (this assumes you are not insecure to begin with). This is part of the openness a marriage needs. It is a challenge and can help deepen the relationship as a couple. Or of course it can be symptomatic of marital problems.
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